I know Trey hasn't finished this fanfic yet, but he's left it untouched for 2 whole years. He's kept me waiting long enough, so I have no choice but to review his fanfic while it is still incomplete.
Fanfic Review: Axis of Evil
Hello, I'm the Dalmatian Critic. I remember it because nobody else does.
You know, one of my favorite fanfic writers in the 101 Dalmatians community is a man named Trey_Vore. A hardcore fan of the series who held this underrated cartoon series in his heart the same way I have.
I was really excited when I heard that he was making his own fanfic. The story was called, "Street Fighter: The Dalmatian Edition", and HOLY SH*T, WAS IT STUPID! So, what? What was the point of this story? Is this 101 Dalmatians or Street Fighter? Also, what's with the writing format? Some people like story format, others like script format, but this one keeps shifting to the two different formats!
Say, remember when he released his second fanfic, "Everybody Loathes Jerko"? Now, that was more like my kind of story. This one actually captured some real essence of 101 Dalmatians, and I see that the author used a variety of characters created by different fans. You know, in the official cannon series, it was all based on just three pups and a chicken, but this fanfic actually makes the show worthy of the name, "101 Dalmatians". I really hope he makes another fanfic!
So, now, let's check out his next story, "Domina-Trix Aren't for Pups". This one was much longer and more epic than his previous one; it introduced us to some new characters, including the team of villainesses we all know as the Heartbreakers.
Well, after one disappointment and two well-done efforts, I started to look forward to his next fanfic, "Axis of Evil". He announced this was going to be a sequel to "Domina-Trix Aren't for Pups", and he made a poster for it.
Looking at that poster made me think, "HOLY SH*T, WHAT IS THAT? OH MY GOD! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS TO COME OUT!" After waiting for more than half a year, the story finally made its debut. So, will it be good, or will it be crap? Well, there's only one way to find out. Let's read it!
So the story opens with the Dalmatians having a pool party in Hiccup Hole...with no real explanation. We then see Lucky as he comes up to Rolly and Cadpig telling them about a dream he had where he is having sex with Diana. Okay, will this have anything to do with the story?
We then cut away from those pups and focus on Nuke and Jewel. A little skunk named Orville swims up to them and tells them how Jewel saved his life. Okay, when do we get back to Lucky? Well, it just so happens that more pups come up to Nuke, Jewel and Orville. One of these pups is Lizzie who is looking for Joey. Nuke says that he was playing Marco Polo with them and apparently left him to smash into something. Is any of this related to the plot?
We then cut to another sub-plot! Here, some of the sweethearts of the farm are gossiping with each other. We then meet Sanka, who is telling Izzy that he doesn't have a girlfriend. Then, of course, this leads to violence, as Izzy's mass-killer boyfriend, Marcus, comes in and threatens to kill Sanka. This causes everyone to get their full attention on the two, and Raiden and Izzy put a stop to it.
After that little mellow drama, Roxy for some unknown reason gives Sanka a hug, and then Sanka calls Silky "Gatomon". Now, wait a minute! What's Silky doing in the water? I thought cats hated water!
We then cut to yet ANOTHER SUB-PLOT where we see Tiffany who wants to start dating Sanka, but then, Slayer's ex-girlfriend comes up and says that she doesn't have a chance with him.
Okay, okay, stop! Hold the phone here! What the hell is going on? There is no main plot, the story isn't going anywhere, and characters just keep popping up all over the place! So, what have we learned so far? Lucky's having bad dreams, Orville was rescued by Jewel, Joey got injured, Nuke is an ass hole, Sanka wants a girlfriend, Marcus is a homicidal maniac, Tiffany wants to get Sanka's attention. So what's the plot of this story? NOTHING! THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON! WHO IS THE AXIS OF EVIL? IS IT JENNY? IS IT MARCUS? IS IT NUKE? IS IT THE GHOST OF DIANA? WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TRY TO MAKE SENSE OUT OF THIS STORY?
So then, we seem to now keep focus on Jenny, who would do anything to get Slayer back. She then meets Rob, who is Diana's secret admirer and is sad because of what happened to her. They then see a cat that Jenny is sent to follow. FINALLY! A PLOT! So Jenny follows the cat, and it seems that she has found herself at the Heartbreaker's headquarters. Here, this cat named Shakila is bringing Diana back to life. Diana resurrects but now has amnesia.
Meanwhile, Jenny is on the case. She comes in and gets introduced to the Heartbreakers and wants to join. Diana accepts, but Stealth is not sure about having new members. Much to her dismay, Diana, Emma, and the cats think it's a good idea to bring new members into the team. So they go out to find more members, Rob is happy that Diana is alive, and now we come to our next Heartbreaker, Malinda. YES! FINALLY! NOW, I KNOW A PLOT IS FINALLY IN!
So now, we cut back to the barn, where Diana has all her new members of Heartbreakers, and...WAIT A MINUTE! Where exactly did all these other new members come from? It doesn't make sense to have them just pop out of nowhere with no explanation, no back story, and no previous cameos! IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! YOU NEED TO THINK THINGS THROUGH BEFORE YOU DRAW THEM OUT ON PAPER! THINK, PEOPLE! THINK!
So now, for some odd reason, the Heartbreakers are in need of having a man on their team. Why? I DON'T KNOW! Luckily, Rob comes in, sees that Diana is alive and jumps for joy. Rob gets Diana's attention, but then she tells her plan to the others and has them go out; she turns back to Rob and...with no explanation, turns into a ditz.
Okay, so I guess this is a love story with Rob and Diana now. I guess we're never going back to the heroes or learn what happened or anything like...oh, never mind, we're back to the heroes. So it appears that Tiffany wants to express her love to Sanka, but is not pleased with her own appearance. The other pups encourage her to know that Sanka will love her and have somehow already set up a plot to get them together. Sanka arrives, and Kit starts talking with him.
So then we cut to another scene elsewhere, where a few other pups are setting up some kind of trap. This is apparently part of the plot where Tiffany gets Sanka's love. Roxy has trouble opening the cage, but she gets a little help from Tippy. Then, for no apparent reason, Tippy starts bragging about her strength and asking why Roxy isn't strong like her. This causes Roxy to run off crying...That's...dark.
Now, we've cut back to the Heartbreakers, because apparently THEIR plot is more important than the HEROES' plot! They've come up to the big Russian pup known as Yuri, and then...they start fighting him.
*watches the fighting go on*
Okay, this is starting to get boring now. *the fighting continues* Really? It's still going? *the fighting continues* Oh, come on! How long does this fight have to be? *the fighting continues* My God! Dragonball Z had shorter battles than this! *the fighting continues* KNOCK IT OFF! STOP IT! STOP! JUST STOP! PLEASE! STOOOOOOOOOP! *the fighting still goes on* OKAY, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
ELEPHANT!
*The Burger King appears with a heavenly choir.*
*sighs of relief*
So after that ridiculously long battle, we then cut to Tammy, who has now met Roxy. What exactly are they up to, I wonder?
Well, I guess we'll never know because we now cut back to Sanka, who is giving Kit an unnecessary lecture about the origin of jazz music. Belchic and Tippy arrive to inform Sanka that Orville is in trouble, so he runs to investigate. At that moment, Nuke and Jewel grab Kit and bring him over to the rest of the gang, and they tell them that Roxy is missing. Meanwhile, Sanka releases Orville, and luckily, Tiffany was watching, and the two of them are apparently now in love. Wow...that was easy.
Meanwhile, Roxy is still talking to Tammy. Oh, great. This means Roxy is going to turn evil now and join forces with the Heartbreakers because of what Tippy said to her, right? No, apparently Roxy wants to introduce Tammy to her friends.
Now, we cut to LeAnn, who is interviewing some pups about Mayor Ed Pig running for another term in office. Okay...what does this have to do with the plot? We then cut to other pups talking about when Lucky ran for mayor, Ed is talking with Dumpling (oh, nice to see some more cannon characters in this story), and Noggin talking about some jump rope dude that we don't know about. I am...starting to get the urge that this is a big-lipped alligator moment. FOR GOD'S SAKE, CAN WE JUST HAVE SOME FOCUS FOR ONCE?
So anyway, Ed is giving out his election speech to the puppies. Little do they know, the Heartbreakers are on the case! But of course, this opens YET ANOTHER FREAKING SUB-PLOT! It turns out that Ophelia is flirting with Rob, and Diana is all pissed off at her and wants to kill her. My God, the random encounters in this story are more confusing than the ones in a Dr. Seuss beginner book!
So anyway, Dragonuv tranquilizes Ed causing the farm to go into shock. Alright! Who's up for some pork roast? But then suddenly, out of nowhere comes a hungry wolf probably looking for Little Red Riding Hood. Some pups try to fight him off while others try to get to safety.
Meanwhile, the Heartbreakers seem a bit pleased with the action that's going on. So anyway, Diana continues with her plan and sends a couple of her recruits out disguised as...whatever the hell these things are. Okay, seriously, did anybody actually think things through? Were these the best disguises they could come up with? I'm sure as hell the heroes would act really suspicious about them! I mean, if I was a puppy living on the farm, and I saw these figures that looked like a cross between the Power Rangers and the robots from Berzerk, I'd probably call the police! Anyway, Hesso, Kit and Jewel bump literally into them and get dognapped, but Hesso manages to give them the slip. Wait a second. Could it be? We actually now have...A PLOT? Maybe not.
Hey, you know what? I just noticed that the way every chapter is broken up is equivalent to a commercial break on Pokémon. They always get cut off at a very unexpected, inconvenient and unsuspensful moment. Let me show you an example:
*shows a clip from a Pokémon episode*
Clefairy: Clefairy! Clefairy!
Misty: Oh no! Clefairy's running away!
*it violently cuts to the commercial bumper*
Kids: Who's that Pokémon?
*back to the critic*
You see? It just violently cuts to a commercial break not leaving any time for suspense. And keep in mind, it's not just that episode. I mean, EVERY SINGLE EPISODE does that! Now, take a look at this fanfic:
*shows the fanfic*
Lucky: ...What do you say, guys? Let's help Noggin!
*it violently cuts to a commercial bumper*
Kids: Who's that Puppymon?
*back to the critic*
SEE? SEE? IT WORKS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!..........I can!t believe I'm describing this.
So Hesso returns to the group, and gets Clayton and Kendra to help him save the other two pups. At this time, we find out what Noggin and the other pups were working on!...A giant slingshot. O...kay. When did we suddenly arrive in Lilliput? Well, apparently, these pups are using it to take out the wolf. Wait a minute! They're STILL fighting the wolf? I thought they took him out in the last chapter? See? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T EXPLAIN THINGS GOOD ENOUGH!
So as the other pups try to give Wolf-Boy hear a couple headshots, Clayton and Kendra run back to help Kit, who looks like he's getting beat up pretty bad. Then, Diana sends out another one of her recruits disguised as...some rejected character from one of the Kirby games. *cries* I don't know what's going on anymore!
Clayton, Kendra and Kit do their best to take out these figures, but Kit dies in the process. As Kendra grows weaker, some more heroes show up to help in the battle. Oh, and also, the pups take out the wolf, and also discover that the barn is on fire. GEEZ! THIS IS LIKE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO ANALYZE! THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY SUB-PLOTS BEING JUGGLED AROUND, TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE, AND...RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Sorry.
But then we cut back to Roxy and Tammy. My God, are they still talking? Well, anyway, they're having a conversation about "You Can't Do This On Television". Why are they talking about that show? I don't know! *he gets slimed* I hate this job.
So anyway, let's see what happens next. *CANCELED!* WHAT? THAT'S IT? THE STORY ENDS RIGHT HERE? **** YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, apparently, this fanfic was never completed, and I suppose that's a good thing too, because THIS FANFIC WAS HORRIBLE! What's wrong with this fanfic?...What's RIGHT with this fanfic? I mean think about it! The story makes no sense, there are way too many sub-plots being juggled around, characters keep popping up out of nowhere with no explanation, the Heartbreakers get way too much screen time, the fight scenes are way too long, and some of the characters are even out of character!
One scene that really pisses me off is that one scene with Joey. What was up with that? What happened to him? It just comes in then goes away as quickly as it comes, and then nobody ever refers to it again in the entire story. In fact, nobody even interacts with Joey for the rest of the story! What the hell was that?...Oh, wait, I get it...THE BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!
Another thing that pisses me off is that one scene with Tippy. You know, the one where she brags about being strong and trying to talk Roxy into being as strong as her, and then Roxy runs off crying?...Oh, wait a minute! I just figured it out! THIS WAS A REVENGE FIC! Trey was clearly mad at me over my thoughts about Roxy, and he made this entire fanfic just to vent and get revenge on me! What the f*ck do you guys see in this fanfic? You guys keep telling me I'm not allowed to make revenge fics, yet you're letting other people on this board get away with it? What a bunch of massive hypocrites!
Well, I'm done here! I don't care how this fanfic ends now, because I'm sure that however it ends, I will not like it! I am DONE, DONE, DONE!
I'm the Dalmatian Critic. I remember it because nobody else does. GOD, WHAT AN AWFUL FANFIC!
Axis of Evil
Final Score: 0/10
Like I said, I'm sorry I didn't wait until it was finished, but it's been untouched for years, and I feel I've waited long enough.