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Post by RaceFanX on Jul 29, 2009 23:32:54 GMT -5
Q: What is the difference between a carload of LA Lakers fans and a porcupine? A: On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
Q: What makes someone a good cummunist? A: Having no pulse
Q: What do you call 1,500,000 dead Communists? A: A good start...
Q: What is the worst thing about 5 Communists going over a cliff in a Toyota Camry? A: The Toyota Camry seats 6.
Q. Give an example of Gross Ignorance... A. 144 Obama supporters
Q: What does the communist cat say? A: Mao.
Q: What's a Russian boxer's favorite move? A: The communist block.
Q: How does a communist keep his bedroom dark? A: With an iron curtain.
Q. What is the shortest story? A. Socialism. Q2. What’s the longest story? A2. The path toward Socialism.
Q. What would happen if China set up a communist goverrnment in the Artic? A. The Artic would start importing ice and snow.
Q. Mao, Deng Xiaoping, and Hu Yaobang are in a boat. The boat sinks. Who is saved? A. China.
(And in case Bab is wondering. Yes, I do hate Communists...specifically their government leaders and officials. I've got no issues with the people who live in Communist countries, only the evil bastards that run them)
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Post by babclayman on Jul 30, 2009 3:26:49 GMT -5
(Its Ok Race. I don't mind about the jokes, i was simply asking about things. You don't need to go and tell me if everything is personal. Do as you like )
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Post by RaceFanX on Aug 5, 2009 13:29:42 GMT -5
Guy 1: I'm going to Edmonton next week for a visit. Guy 2: Edmonton. Why the hell would you go for a visit to Edmonton. There's no one in Edmonton but hookers and hockey players! Guy 1: My mother lives in Edmonton! Guy 2: Really. What team does she play for?
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Post by RaceFanX on Oct 7, 2009 22:01:14 GMT -5
Phony ad: For Sale, one French Army rifle. WWII era- Never fired, dropped once
(All joking aside, throughtout most of history the French have had one of the world's better armies and have been good at using it)
If you know two languages, you're bilingual. If you know three languages, you're trilingual. If you know just language, you're American.
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Post by Belchic on Oct 8, 2009 0:38:44 GMT -5
I don't get what's up with all the Obama jokes. I mean, what made him such a big subject of joke?
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RaceFanX d**n tired of this
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Post by RaceFanX d**n tired of this on Oct 8, 2009 7:18:01 GMT -5
Warning: Incoming rant. Swearing is included. We apologize for the inconvience.
WHY DOES THIS THREAD ALWAYS COME BACK TO MY PERSONAL POLITICS! Crack all the Bush jokes you want but start telling any about Obama, by far a WORSE president than Bush, and everyone wants to defend him.
The guy is a d**n joke. Everything he does is a joke (forcing thru health care, bowing to the head of Saudi Arabia, TRYING TO PUT GITMO PRISONERS IN A PRISON LESS THAN 50 ****ING MILES FROM MY HOUSE!!!) He and all his cronies are jokes and hopefully we'll vote them all out in 2010 and 2012.
For example: He managed to blow Chicago's 2016 Olympic bid they worked on for years in under 24 hours. AND I ****ING FOLLOWED THAT BID CLOSELY! I'm from the Midwest, just once I wanted to see the Olympics in person and he ruined any chance at that. (Technically Detroit is bidding for 2020 Summer Games but come on, like that is ever going to happen. YOu can't have the Olympics in a war zone. )
Sorry I choose to post some mostly clean jokes about your false-God Barack instead of just doing sick dead baby humor like your liberal tail does.
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Post by Belchic on Oct 9, 2009 13:33:12 GMT -5
Well, it really seems like once people become politics, they become subjects of joke. I mean, that happened with George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwartzeneger, and now, it seems like Obama is getting his share.
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Post by Belchic on Dec 11, 2009 14:45:27 GMT -5
Now, this is a line from "The Muppets Christmas Carol". Most of this line is real, but the last line after the pause is where the 'horrible joke' comes in.
Kermit: "It's ok, girls. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I'm sure that we shall never forget Tiny Tim, or this first parting that there was among us. *pause* I hope you all like frog's legs."
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Post by Flowgli on Dec 14, 2009 21:35:19 GMT -5
Hey, did you know that Dracula went to secretarial school? You know what he learned? How to type blood.
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Post by Flowgli on Dec 18, 2009 8:33:54 GMT -5
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a cheese sandwich!
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Post by Belchic on Dec 18, 2009 13:43:57 GMT -5
Knock, knock! Who's there? Gorilla! Gorilla who? Gorilla me a cheese sandwich! Hey, that wasn't horrible. I don't see anything wrong with that joke. What's so horrible about it?
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Post by RaceFanX on Dec 18, 2009 14:29:23 GMT -5
Q. What will Barack Obama get for Christmas? A. Your job, your car and your house.
Q. Why did the Supreme Court block having a Nativity Scene displayed at the White House this year? A. Plenty of donkeys, but no wise men.
This Christmas is expected to be one of the coldest on record. If it's cold enough, Obama might even keep his hands in his own pockets.
Q. Why did President Obama feel it was necessary for him to apologize to the world and to degrade the United States? A. Jimmy Carter had laryngitis.
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common? A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself? A. Because it would be racist.
Longer joke: A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of whiskey, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.
The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!! The Texan replied, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.
A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of champagne, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.
The Nevadan couldn't believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!! The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."
A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a sip, took another sip, then chugged the rest. He then put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his gun, turned, and shot the Californian.
The shocked Texan said "Why in the hell did you do that?"
The Nevadan replied, "Well, in Nevada we have plenty of Californians and bottles are worth a nickel."
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Post by Flowgli on Dec 18, 2009 14:30:45 GMT -5
That joke was from Finders Keepers, and it was told by the host, Wesley Eure. Everytime he tells a joke, the audience would groan. I agree with the audience when they groan at one of his jokes. They are just that bad.
Here's the video where that knock-knock can be heard:
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Post by RaceFanX on Dec 20, 2009 1:17:00 GMT -5
Guy 1: My dog has no nose Guy 2: Then how does he smell? Guy 1: Terrible
Q: What's the difference between a hockey game and a prize fight? A: In a hockey game, the fights are real.
Q: Why do Canadian couples prefer doggy style? A: That way they can both watch the hockey game.
Q. How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your yard? A. Put in an endzone.
Q: Why can't Flint, MI get a NFL team? A: Because then Detroit would want one too.
Longer one... Two boys are playing hockey on an inlet on a pond in suburban Chicago when one is attacker by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to the boy. "Young White Sox Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Sox fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were," said the reporter, and he began writing again.
"Cubs Fan Rescues Friends from Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Cubs fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs or the Sox. What team do you root for?" inquired the reporter. "I'm a Yankees fan," the child responded.
The reporter turned the page in his notebook and wrote "Little Brat from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."
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Post by Belchic on Dec 20, 2009 3:40:46 GMT -5
Have you ever seen a chick pea?
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