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Post by growltarist on Sept 27, 2011 22:43:52 GMT -5
Hmmm, interesting story. I like the fact that the main villains in the story were actually a couple of Cuddly's own alter-egos. It goes to show that sometimes the most dangerous things may even come from our own minds. I thought the little talk THL form of Cuddly had with his creator was a nice moment between the two of them, and I liked how Cuddly was able to cleverly trick his alter-egos into trusting him. For some reason, the second chapter was kind of vague and hard to follow for me during the whole scene against the Daemhors. I felt like the detail was just rushed at parts and could've flowed a bit more smoothly. The story really picked up, however in the 3rd chapter. Though more detail could have made it more suspenseful, I think you were still able to capture the suspenseful and thrilling moments you were hoping to achieve. I like how Cuddly's dark alter-egos were strong, but were still able to be defeated by the very mind that created them. It's also fascinating to see how each alter-ego has a different personality and motives; it really makes the interactions (especially the arguments) between them all the more interesting. :] All in all, I can tell this is a very well-thought out story and that you and Bab put forth a lot of effort into it. ^_^ I can still see room for more improvement with more interesting details to really reel us in to it, but I still enjoyed reading it and learning about Cuddly and his addiction and inspirations of The Hell Lightning. Nice work, and enjoyable read overall. ^^
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Post by Cuddly Dearly on Sept 28, 2011 11:39:00 GMT -5
Wow, Growlie, at first thank you a lot for reading the story, it means a lot for me. And thank you for such a detailed sincere comment, with both positive and negative critics. I do know that it's all a bit rushed and that it could have been slower and more exciting, but the problem is that English is a foreign language for me, and I'm not too good at writing in foreign languages. That's why I couldn't have done it better, unfortunately. And generally, I'm very glad that you like the story. It has much to do with the Hell Lightning, which is actually a web-series for itself, and I post it regularly every Sunday on this forum. If you want, you can start reading it Thank you once again
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Post by growltarist on Sept 29, 2011 18:48:16 GMT -5
Ah, I'm glad you found it helpful; I'm trying to get better at writing reviews with both positive and negative feedback, since I rarely seem to review anything these days (and when I do, I'm too lazy to find anything constructive to point out. ^^; ). I must say this is really well-done for writing in English as a foreign language. Pfft, I can't begin to imagine what my writing would look like if I attempted to wander out of the comfort of my first language, though I have a feeling it would be pretty horrendous and amazingly simple and to the point. That in itself is commendable. Looking back at this fiction with the knowledge of that changes my views a little - that's pretty darn good for writing in a foreign language! Yeah, I think this 'fic has gotten me a little more interested in checking that out. :3 I've been reading more of the fiction on Sparky's as of late and I'll have to see if I can keep up with my reviews as well, though I'm not sure how the people here feel about the bumping of really old topics on the forum. xD I'll definitely be checking it out at some point as I read more of the fiction that's been written here. In the meantime, keep up the good work - your ideas and plots are really quite interesting.
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Post by Cuddly Dearly on Sept 29, 2011 21:54:21 GMT -5
Growlie, thank you very much your words mean a lot for me. speaking of the foreign language, indeed it's not easy to write in one, and that's why the artistic style of writing gets degraded. I'm really glad you like my work, thank you Speaking of the Hell Lightning, thank you in advance don't worry about bumping old threads up, HL is not an old topic, it's still active. You can find it here: sparkydearly.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=originalcharacters&action=display&thread=4809 . If you want, you can read it from the beginning, and feel free to comment on the older episodes. But if you do comment on them, please specify which episode are you commenting on, because I'm about to publish episode 49 (of 58 all together). Of course, it's not like I'm demanding your comments, I'm just talking hipothetically. But of course, if you would really read and comment on THL, I would be flattered. And thank you for liking my ideas, that's the most important thing for me. My writing style is still in development, even in my first language, so the ideas are my strongest point, and so I'm very glad that you like them. I've put a lot of effort in the Hell Lightning, and if you get interested in reading it, that'll be the greatest reward I can get
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