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Post by Cruella on Dec 23, 2013 19:46:08 GMT -5
SourceMaleficent's daughter and Belle and the former Beast's son have already been cast. Dove Cameron from Disney Channel and newcomer Mitchell Hope have the roles. Personally, I'm really excited. All you have to say is "Cruella has a kid" and you've got my full attention. I actually check the news on the film every day to see if Carlos has been cast yet.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 20, 2013 15:05:59 GMT -5
I'm doing okay. I can support myself and my family if I pull together enough resources. I'm just sad because my long-time best friend (since childhood!) is no longer my friend.
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Post by Cruella on Aug 16, 2013 16:35:12 GMT -5
And I'm back to being stressed, worried about losing everything, worried the way we've got it won't last.
Ugh, we need security.
I'm seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, and they're useless. They think I can just snap my fingers and make things happen. I hope my kids never stress out like I do.
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Post by Cruella on Jun 27, 2013 22:19:14 GMT -5
DNA scanners wouldn't work. Adopted family members are also family members. Some of my own kids are adopted.
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Post by Cruella on Jun 27, 2013 22:15:46 GMT -5
Thank you!
The baby is named Lilith Grace!
Everything is turning around for the better. I'm back to working after being sick since 2011, I'm back to living where I have people who know me, I'm going to have four businesses by the end of the year, my oldest daughter is going to work for me in the autumn, my friend .. I will emotionally support whatever she chooses and we're still friends, I have a good psychiatrist and therapist, and I'm just very optimistic for the rest of my life. Hoping this optimism lasts.
My niece is living with me and being an utter brat half the time, but whatever.
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Post by Cruella on Jun 23, 2013 9:56:09 GMT -5
So .. everything happened. EV ER Y THING. Minus the shop. That's not happened yet.
My baby was born on the last day of May and came home on Friday.
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Post by Cruella on May 13, 2013 19:29:21 GMT -5
I found a good place downtown, and my plan is to open it after my friend (my Anita)'s baby is born, actually. I'm due for early in the last week of July. She's due on the first day of October. We've both had babies before, but this is the first time we've been pregnant at the same time. It's also the last time I will be pregnant.
The PLAN was to open the coffee shop, but I got this message some time after midnight today, from my friend ...
I've omitted a lot of personal details for privacy. Here is the gist of it:
Yeah, but who doesn't disappoint me? I sure disappoint me. She and my husband do the same irritating thing where they say they'll disappoint me as an excuse to not be around me, or at least that's how I interpret it. (My husband's version is more melodramatic, where he says he's not worthy of me. But it's the same thing, whether it's expressed diplomatically or melodramatically.)
What disappoints me is that I don't think I'm good enough for anyone. Just like I was raised to think.
(As for working three jobs and being a mother, I'd have to make some choices, yes, but I'd rather work with my friend than work not with my friend.)
I certainly can't pull a Rapunzel stunt and trap my children. "YOU'LL never leave me! SOMEONE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" That wouldn't be good. It would mess them up, probably would make them as messed-up as I am.
My friend's son mentioned that everyone feels like I do, but that I feel it more intensely than most people do because of the way I was raised, and he's completely right. But I have no idea what to do about it.
Also, it feels like this happens when it comes to life goals:
Me: *performs the Twelve Labors of Hercules, goes through Dante’s Inferno, claws my way out and has life-changing realizations* Life: ERROR 404. THESE GOALS NOT POSSIBLE TO REACH. Me: *repeats* Life: ERROR 404. YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE.
Niece: *pushes Staples’ Easy Button* Life: *gives her what she had in mind, including identical or similar goals to some of my own* Niece: “La la la la la … “
Why, though? “Because no one likes me” is hard not to believe.
Me: *pushes Staples’ Easy Button* Button: “Are you kidding me? You expect pushing a button with the word Easy on it will do anything? You gotta work for your dreams!” Me: “But — but I have! All my life! And my niece — “ Button: “This isn’t about your niece! It’s about you!” Me: “But is what is the insurmountable difference between us that deems her worthy?” Button: “You’re old. If you’re still feeling like this when you’re old, you’re doomed. Everyone knows that. Smart people find new dreams when they’re young.” Me: “I’ve tried that, too. I’ve tried everything.” Button: “Yeah. You’re a fluke of nature.” Me: “I am not.” Button: “Prove it.” Me: “Tell me something I’ve not done, because I’ve done that, too.” Button: “Okay, fluke was the wrong word. You’re not an accident. Freak was the right word. You’re a freak of nature. You exist to make other people feel better about themselves.” Me: “You know, I can do that just fine without going through hell.” Button: “But you’re an unperson, remember? Plus, you’re too old for a happy ending. You’re no young maiden, and you can’t fake it, either. End of story.” Me: “I was young, too! Where were you when I was growing up, you stupid button???” Button: “I did appear to you. You ignored me and did what you wanted.” Me: “You contradict yourself. You said I have to work, not use you. Furthermore, you’re not fulfilling your purpose if you don’t give me what I want and instead give me random things that other people want for me. The Easy Button is supposed to be catered toward individuals.” Button: “Do you think everyone you wanted is good?” Me: “I don’t think every single thing anybody wanted or wants is good, but I can’t see anything wrong with a lot of what I’ve spent my life chasing. A lot of what I want would make me healthier.” Button: “Everything you want is bad for you. Not for other people who want the same things, but for you.” Me: “I sincerely doubt it.” Button: “That’s because you’re stupid.” Me: “So we’re at a standstill.” Button: “See you, ya hag!” *Button vanishes*
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 23:39:48 GMT -5
On another note, I'll be starting up a coffee shop around October or November!
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 23:34:56 GMT -5
I had a medical emergency brought by the pregnancy, but it's been taken care of and the baby was not affected by it. I'll copy and paste from my blog how Mother's Day went for me: Also, I've gotten a lot of snuggles from people and pets today. Very good Mother's Day.
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 3:10:24 GMT -5
Belchic, I agree with Bab and I also think you took this too seriously.
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 2:59:42 GMT -5
So it's Mother's Day in my country ... This is the most dramatic holiday of the year in my family, and for something to be the most dramatic holiday, well, that's saying something.
I hope it goes well. I hope my sister doesn't cause drama like she did last year. She gives her children to her siblings to raise and wonders why they're more attached to her siblings than herself, and Mother's Day is the day she throws pity parties about it. This year she told her kids they could spend the day with me or her. Talk about an obvious trap. She'll try to make everyone miserable no matter what the outcome.
Then there are also my own mommy issues. I feel guilty to have good relationships with my son and daughters and nephews, and really a decent relationship with my niece underneath it all. Why guilty? Because my mother (and my own aunt) had very bad relationships with their children. How dare my kids love me when I couldn't please my own mother? How unfair.
Logically, I know that's plenty fair. My mother just wasn't a good mother. I try to be a good mother. I really love my kids and I show it. Emotionally, it still seems unfair. My mother died in 2008. In her final years, she did respect me or so she claimed, but I didn't trust her enough to become friends with her unless time proved her trustworthy, and she lost a lot of her memory and died too soon for us to build a true mother-daughter relationship. So I'm motherless, now physically as well as emotionally, and I feel guilty for that, like I didn't try hard enough.
I don't feel this way on Father's Day. My father was easier to emotionally detach from. He divorced my mother and started a second family with a woman close to my own age. He tried to keep me from his second family until my half-siblings grew up, and this didn't fully work, so he blames me for everything he doesn't like about them. My half-siblings usually act like spoiled brats and my father thinks everything I do is wrong, which hurts but, since he exited my life for as long as he did, I find him easier to ignore than my mother was.
Anyway, I don't feel conflicted on Father's Day because I have my husband to celebrate on Father's Day. He's a good father and he's someone to give my love to. I do love myself, but giving myself love on Mother's Day feels ... weird. My children give me love and I have no mother to pass this love on to! I do love my children, of course, and my pets. I am snuggly motherly feelings in human form.
But
my husband and children have a good day planned for me. I'm going to be spoiled all day. That's nice. I hope I don't feel guilty about it. I'm the only mother in my bloodline I know of, so far, to have a good relationship with her children ... !
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 2:36:55 GMT -5
Mine, please?
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Post by Cruella on Apr 13, 2013 11:18:02 GMT -5
Things are definitely looking up since I last wrote in here. Money is no longer a concern, health is improving and relationships are not as ridiculous as they were in the winter when there were more stress factors, and things are just really looking up. I'm working two jobs, one from home. My husband is a stay-at-home dad and loves this. My adult niece came to her inheritance and gave me enough of a portion that I don't have financial stresses anymore. (It is a big inheritance. She really is still the Ivy to my Cruella. I had no idea what to expect come her last birthday, which was when she came to her inheritance and thankfully the outcome was good.)
In silly and recent news, today my sister yet again revealed that she pays absolutely no attention to people. My niece's girlfriend lives with her. My sister doesn't realize her daughter and friend are actually girlfriends. Apparently, she also didn't know the other girl's middle name (Amber, actually, and everyone else knew it because she looks like an Amber and is the Amber to my niece's Ivy), or last name, or age, or birth month even though Sis was there for this person's last birthday, or interests, or really anything about her beyond her first name.
Personally, if I were the girl my sister didn't know anything about until today, I'd feel hurt. This girl is a lot more nice than most people are and less apt to getting hurt than I am.
I think my sister is kind of very ridiculous to let people live with her without knowing anything about them beyond "this is someone relatives know or whatever". I think my sister has her head in the clouds to be so unobservant that she'd just ignore a person this way, but then again, that is how my sister has always been and a big part of why I practically raised Sis' kids. Goodness, I was responsible for the birthday parties of my sisters' kids, because Sis herself would always forget. She took after our parents in that type of way, unfortunately.
Sis is homophobic, but seeing how the girls are young adults with their own money, I don't know what Sis can do besides scream when she does figure out they're together. And she probably will have to be told long after they get their own place, because she's just that unobservant. Sis didn't even notice my pregnancy until I told her I was pregnant, long after I was showing. She said, "You're getting FAT!" a lot instead and I let that go on for longer than I should have because it was amusing.
You could probably ride elephants down the street while my sister watched outside, and if you told her elephants went down the street, she'd say, "WHAT? ELEPHANTS? I DIDN'T NOTICE!"
I'm 25 weeks and 2 days along, if you're wondering!
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Post by Cruella on Apr 13, 2013 10:56:21 GMT -5
I'm doing A LOT better now. I'm working two jobs, one of them from home, and my health is considerably better. My niece came to her inheritance on her birthday, a week and a day ago, and this Wednesday granted me enough of a portion that I have a lot less worries now.
I'm a lot more healthy altogether, and I have insurance again! My husband is doing better, too. Him being a stay-at-home dad works very well.
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Post by Cruella on Mar 10, 2013 10:42:44 GMT -5
Aaaaand I'm doing a lot better for now, knock on wood!
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