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Post by Nemo on Jan 25, 2011 19:24:26 GMT -5
Eh.. I thought this would be an interesting idea, plus it could help with my current mood.
"Favoritism"
Two children are in the room. The first is blonde, beautiful, and smarter than the other. While the second child. Dark brown hair, glasses, and had special needs. Oddly, the second child is the oldest of the two.
The blonde was in Sports and was very social. While the brunette wasn't in sports and was not very social. The blonde had no medical problems. While the brunette had Autism.
If the blonde ever had a problem, mommy and daddy would be there for her. If the brunette ever had a problem, neither would care about her feelings. Comfort and consoles for the first. Stares and confusion for the second.
The same applied in school.
Blonde had all the friends in the world, she could even be considered popular. While the brunette had hardly, if any friends at all, but she was an outcast. Everyone wanted to talk to the blonde. No one wanted to talk to the brunette.
Peaceful rests for the blonde. Dreadful nights for the brunette.
Mommy I have a problem with school, says the brunette. You will have to deal with it, says mommy. Daddy I'm feeling sick. You have to go to school anyway, says daddy.
But how come she doesn't have to go when she's sick? Because we care about her more, says daddy.
The brunette cries and weeps. Next morning she was found dead in her room. With a rope around her neck, with a note in her hand. The note said..
Mommy, daddy, why do you favor Molly over me?
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Post by Shadow Dearly on Jan 25, 2011 19:43:25 GMT -5
Woaaaah what a deep dark poem Nemo. I love it Yeah Favoritism is not good. Not good at all. And it deeply describes your mood
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Post by Nemo on Jan 25, 2011 19:47:40 GMT -5
Woaaaah what a deep dark poem Nemo. I love it Yeah Favoritism is not good. Not good at all. And it deeply describes your mood Well thank you Shadow. And yep, the brunette is pretty much me in a nutshell.
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Post by Shadow Dearly on Jan 25, 2011 19:53:38 GMT -5
You're welcome Nemo *hugs*
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Post by babclayman on Jan 26, 2011 4:38:56 GMT -5
Woah! VERY Dark, Poem, Nemo. o.o
I am taking a Creative Writing course, and I will definately say, your Poem would earn high praise in the class. *Hugs* X3
I have a feeling on what this may be about, On the Friends thing, I will say, we are ALL here for you, Nemo! *Hugs tight* =3
And yeah, I do get that way sometimes too, so I can sympathise. =s Like things are quiet in my presense, Absent for Two Hours, over 80 odd conversations. o.o Weird, eh?
Still, I say you're good at Writing and should continue it. =3
Still, Awesome Poem, Nemo! *Hugs* X3 Looking for more from you. *Hugs* X3
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Post by Nemo on Jan 26, 2011 16:27:36 GMT -5
You think so Bab? I didn't see this until now, since my internet cut off at about 8:30-9 last night for no reason D: And it's actually not about my friends, it's about my family life (instant family aka mom/dad/sister/etc.) But thank you! *hug*
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Post by Nemo on Mar 4, 2011 15:11:48 GMT -5
Okay guys, here's another poem I had to come up with, since it's supposed to be my Self Portrait for Humanities class.
I just want you guys to read it, and if you can, critique it. Like tell me if you think I should add more, and etc..
Who’s that girl? The girl in the back of the room? With blue eyes glued to her work. Silent like a mouse. Just wanting to pass. That would be me. Who’s that girl? Hoodies, glasses, and jeans. Skin almost as pale as snow. Unmanageable curly brown locks. That would be me. In a family of four. A family that used to be of five. Out in the country. We have no worries. Except for the favoritism. A phone and iPod in each pocket. I escape the pain. Pencil and paper in hand. Creating my own images. Images to heal and express. Another method to escape. Eyes of blue. Unable to look people in their own eyes as they talk. Unable to think of conversation. It’s not me, I have to say. It’s my disorder. I may not like it, but I have to deal with it. Deal with it everyday. If you don’t like it, take it or leave it. This.. This is me.
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Post by Bishop on Mar 5, 2011 6:24:10 GMT -5
Very nice job, Neems. =D
If you want critique, I suppose I could try...
I think you should break it up into smaller parts; you have places where the poem seems to jump from one topic to another, but since it's all one stanza you'd expect it to flow more smoothly. I don't think it would be as noticeable if you broke it up. Personally, I'd use the first Who's that girl to the second Who's that girl as first stanza. Hoodies, glasses and jeans to Except for the favouritism as Stanza 2. For Stanza 3 I'd have Phone and iPod in each pocket to Another method to escape, and the rest to be the last stanza.
Also, as far as my limited knowledge on poems go, I think they they usually end each stanza with a full stop, but the lines before it generally have a comma. That's all I can really think of for crit...hope it helps. ^^'
Is it phone in right pocket, iPod in left? That's how I roll. =P
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Post by Nemo on Mar 5, 2011 9:35:42 GMT -5
Hehe well thank you a bunch Bishop I actually had everything spaced out on my WORD document, but for some reason everything got clustered together here o.o
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Post by Belchic on Mar 5, 2011 13:12:01 GMT -5
Ah, so Nemo is doing poems now, eh?
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Post by Nemo on Mar 5, 2011 13:20:01 GMT -5
Not often, but the recent one I posted was required for my Humanities class final.
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Post by Nemo on Jun 20, 2013 20:58:35 GMT -5
"What Happened... To Us?"
Whatever happened, whatever happened We were so in love Deeply in love I would message you everyday And you would message me
We would send pictures We would laugh together We would watch videos together We would chat for hours on end
But lately we just seem to argue Argue over minor things Mostly me at fault Because of my insecurities
My issues So many issues inside Jealousy Envy Paranoia
I do admit to these issues so much I try to do my best to control them No matter what I try No matter what I do Nothing works
But now I see Now I see That you want to be With this guy This guy that hurt me in the past Have a kid with him to
It's so close to our special day So very close To our anniversary Oh so very close
To our anniversary
(Please don't ask guys. Don't vilify anyone either, I just wrote this to vent.)
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