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Post by neos234 on Apr 28, 2007 7:09:49 GMT -5
Okay so my last novel wasn't good but I manged to get back on my feet. This is a story that got me Inspired from TMNT listen I know a guy at my school he has 4 long clip pieces of the movie TMNT(before it came out on DVD). Anyway here's my story enjoy YO! (may contain simpsons) Narrator: springfield 1,000 years ago this a battle that we enter now! Blaze: you fine mooch? Mooch: I'm Fine! Cadpig: ow! Blaze: you okay Cadpig? Mooch: OMG SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!!! Doctor: I'm a doctor! Blaze: get her to the hospital ASAP!!!! Narrator: 2weeks 5 days 3minutes and 27seconds later... Blaze: whoa what a battle! Mooch: I'll say Cadpig: Hello boys Blaze: hey Cadpig wiat a minute what's that you have in your hands? Mooch: awwww it's a little one. Cadpig: well if you think thatr's cute say hello to your other 12 kids! Blaze + Mooch: WHAT?!!! Narrator: Now that the 3 have there hands full with 13 kids they have to take alot of care! but let's fast forward to Springfeild Present day in the newclear power plant Some Fedex Guy: package of mr. C.M. Burns Mr.Burns: AH my package the fedex guy: Sign your name here Mr.burns: GET OUT OF MY SITE!!!!!! Smithers: What is it, sir? Mr.Burns: It's my Set of 4 hunters they hunt for the 13 sons of Blaze,Mooch, + Cadpig! Smithers: Wow I had no Idea, sir! Mr.burns: with the 13 sons I will be INDESTUCTABLE (somewhere in the vent we see bart) Bart: COOL!!!!! I MEAN OH NO!!!!! To Be Coutinued!!!! I'll make part 2 later on this post! Goodbye from this post disconnecting in 3...2...1 !
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Post by monkey on Apr 28, 2007 16:16:04 GMT -5
Ok, considering your other story was completely worthless, this one is....just as bad as it, if not worse.....
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Post by ripsta on Apr 28, 2007 17:50:45 GMT -5
*loads shotgun*
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2007 18:12:38 GMT -5
oh sh*t
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Post by johny on Apr 28, 2007 23:42:35 GMT -5
...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2007 23:45:58 GMT -5
really I kinda liked it I don't see what everyone is ****ing about
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Post by monkey on Apr 29, 2007 0:23:36 GMT -5
Simple, this one is of really poor quality.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2007 0:32:12 GMT -5
I thought u all hated my fic remember Dalfest?
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Post by Tic-Tac on Apr 29, 2007 3:22:48 GMT -5
Ok. So. Here's the deal. This story isn't -terrible- it just lacks what we all would like to see in a story. No, I take that back. When you can swap the names of any character in a "Story" for any other name, it's a peice of writing that needs some work. Example.
Narrator: springfield 1,000 years ago this a battle that we enter now! Rolly: you fine mooch? Patch: I'm Fine! Jewel: ow! Rolly: you okay Jewel? Patch: OMG SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!!! Doctor: I'm a doctor! Rolly: get her to the hospital ASAP!!!! Narrator: 2weeks 5 days 3minutes and 27seconds later... Rolly: whoa what a battle! Patch: I'll say Jewel: Hello boys Rolly: hey Jewel wiat a minute what's that you have in your hands? Patch: awwww it's a little one.
Here's the deal. Neo, whatever his name is, doesn't read anything else after he posts one of these abominations. I honestly, don't like these stories. I can be open, to the fact that they are stories, but basically 1: They have nothing to do with 101 dalmatians 2: I'm really tired, but these basically look like rip offs of some cartoon or show, or...something. 3: Script format only works when there's some background to it. Like, say, a setting. or plot. or character depth.
Three strikes. You're out. You can do better then this.
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Post by Two-Tone on Apr 29, 2007 3:44:37 GMT -5
*agrees*
And why Cadpig needs 13 kids is unknown to me
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Post by neos234 on Apr 29, 2007 7:43:03 GMT -5
I said It May Contian Simpsons!!!!!!! but I promise THIS part to be Featuring the 13!!!!!!!
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Post by neos234 on Apr 29, 2007 7:52:21 GMT -5
I said It May Contian Simpsons!!!!!!! but I promise the NEXT part to be Featuring the 13!!!!!!!
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Post by Tic-Tac on Apr 29, 2007 14:20:30 GMT -5
Neo, maybe you don't get it. It's supposed to be 101 dalmatians. Not simpons. If we wanted simpons, we've go to a simpson's board, now wouldn't we?
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Post by Two-Tone on Apr 29, 2007 19:53:30 GMT -5
@.@;;;
Simpsons and 101 D don't mix
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2007 19:54:50 GMT -5
but Metaoocalypes and 101d do ;D
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