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Post by babclayman on Nov 16, 2012 7:39:27 GMT -5
Woah! Seriously!? O.O
Congratulations on it! =3 What you know about it, so far then? (E.G. How many months in, gender, etc?) =3
Your family being supportive too?
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Post by Nemo on Nov 16, 2012 11:09:14 GMT -5
Congrats
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Post by Snivinerior on Nov 16, 2012 11:46:56 GMT -5
Congratulations!!! You're a mom!!!
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Post by Cruella on Nov 29, 2012 5:16:23 GMT -5
Thank you so much! I'm only six weeks along, so I have no idea about the gender yet. Nicholas Ian is the boy name I've chosen, and Lilith [Undecided Middle Name] is the girl name, so for now I'm calling the embryo Nicolith. Most of my family doesn't know yet. Only my husband, my oldest daughter, my oldest niece, and a few friends know. I don't think most of my extended relations or older relations would be supportive at all if they knew, based on past experience. I've had kids before, and every time I've been pregnant, people have (always unsuccessfully) tried to talk me out of pregnancy. I was raised to think someone (autistic, bipolar, et cetera) like me shouldn't have kids, and when I said I wanted kids, most people tried to say I shouldn't. "What if they're like you?" was the most common "reason" I "shouldn't" have children. People thought I could do things, but the last thing most wanted was more people like me. So by adulthood, my wanting children was a secret. (The ironic thing is that my sister was pressured to have kids, and her kids are, in different ways, more like what people worried my kids would be like than my own kids are. I don't think a lot of people understand genetics very well!) I had planned to eventually have kids anyway, when I felt ready. I've felt for a long time that if I give my descendants the type of love I didn't get from my parents (and aunts and uncles, and so on), then I am doing the best I can. I like to think I've so far succeeded at that. I probably have. My kids adore me and brag about being my kids, one of my nephews credits me with saving his life, my other nephew and youngest niece think I'm great, and my oldest niece... well, my oldest niece and I definitely have an Ivy and Cruella relationship, but she does love me, even if she doesn't necessarily respect me. I think she does appreciate me now that she has grown up, though she's not one bit as mushy as I am so she doesn't say so. Anyway, about having children of my own, I rather expected to be a single mother. I was wonderfully surprised to not be. My husband is awesome and loving, and he wanted the same things I wanted. (Cruella and Lars from the animated movie sequel are my favorite Cruella pairing because of us. I think they'd have worked out had Cruella not gone back to being evil. I also think the TV series version of Cruella would have appreciated Lars more, taking into account things like the Valentine's Day episode and how she obviously wanted love. Now I'm really getting off the point!) My oldest daughter has a very strong relationship with her parents and she turns eighteen tomorrow, proof that I can successfully raise children into adulthood. I could brag about her forever, and I hope I do just as well with her younger siblings and cousins. (My husband and I are the legal guardians of my sister's youngest three kids. Long story.) I'm so glad to be a mom. Being a mother was my secret ultimate dream, and it became my reality. I didn't expect to have the support of a partner, either, and I do have that. I'm one of those women who walks around with a silly grin about being pregnant. ;D Nicolith is already so loved. ♡ This is what six weeks in the womb looks like: I don't know about you, but I think that's magical!
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Post by Nemo on Nov 29, 2012 10:44:01 GMT -5
It was nice reading all of this!
I can say though I've been in that boat where you are, but except it was me myself wondering if I should have kids or not later on. Cause I mean, I just don't want them to go through what I did as an Autistic child x.x (bullying, abuse, etc.)
I'm sure you'll be a great mom to him/her <3
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Post by babclayman on Nov 29, 2012 18:02:13 GMT -5
Well, it is good Parenting that keeps the child well, it doesn't matter whether you're Autistic, Bi-Polar, etc, anyone can be a good parent if they're heart is in the right place. Always there to offer emotional support in case anything bad happens (E.G. Bullies, etc.)
It's good you showed all those who doubted you that you can be a very good parent if, like said, all young ones in your family adore you. ;3
I like the Nickname which you have for the Embryo. =3
Good to see your partner is supportive too and Happy Birthday to your daughter tomorrow. ;3 Got anything special planned?
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Post by Cruella on Dec 4, 2012 5:28:26 GMT -5
Thank you again! Good to see your partner is supportive too and Happy Birthday to your daughter tomorrow. ;3 Got anything special planned? She had her hair done and we had a family party with cake, presents, and takeout Japanese food. We didn't have any big party plans because we only moved to the area in May and don't know very many people here. We're fourteen - seventeen hours away from most of our old friends! Darlene did get a lot of long-distance birthday wishes, and someone anonymous on a social network sent me a message that said, "Your daughter is really gorgeous." I wonder why the shyness. Probably because she has a boyfriend.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 9, 2012 20:59:33 GMT -5
This might come across as ridiculous, but I feel horrible tonight because I did not leave the pizza delivery guy a tip and he was giving the sweetest smiles anyway. Edit: Well, they ran out of my favorite sauce (white sauce), so they took it upon themselves to use garlic butter in place of any sauce at all. Now I feel less bad for not tipping.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 11, 2012 15:47:00 GMT -5
Today I passed by Joan and Melissa Rivers!
New York state has its perks, despite the climate, and so does Ontario.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 13, 2012 14:03:53 GMT -5
Look at my adorable new pajamas! Presents from my husband!
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Post by Cruella on Dec 13, 2012 18:57:17 GMT -5
The baking soda test thinks I'm having another daughter. (All of my biological children are daughters. I also have an adopted son and I am my nephews' guardian.)
The baking soda test is supposedly about 78% accurate. It was accurate for me once before. Twins made it doubly right. Haven’t tried it more than once before. We shall seeeeee.
Some people have joked that the reason my husband and I only have girls is because there isn't any testosterone between us. (I know it doesn't work like that, hah!)
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Post by Cruella on Dec 14, 2012 23:14:47 GMT -5
I'm writing this in black because the forum background is black. Highlight if you're interested. It could be triggering.
Yet another shooting blamed on autism. This time the worst in the country, according to the media. I'm going to be scapegoated again. So much of my life has involved working with elementary schools and elementary school aged children, too, and now I worry I'll be barred from doing so. I really hope I'm worrying too much, but this is a mean old world. I'd kill myself if I didn't have loved ones to live for. I really would. The world would rejoice, too, and say that my mourners were just brainwashed to think they loved me and couldn't possibly really love me.
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Post by Nemo on Dec 14, 2012 23:26:26 GMT -5
I must have read a different article, cause I didn't see anyone blaming Autism for the shooter's actions (though I honestly doubt he even has it). This.. a sad day for the US :C
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Post by babclayman on Dec 15, 2012 10:23:18 GMT -5
Awww, Don't put yourself down like that, Ella! =< You deserve to live as much as any other person on Earth.
You, I and probably everyone else on here knows that just cause one has Autism, they're not going to be killers. It doesn't matter what the shooter may have had, it all depends on upbringing and those who forgot to teach them "Going out and shooting people is not a good idea".
I don't think they'll bar you from working at Schools. They can't blame the action of one disturbed being on the entire faction. That be like calling all Germans evil because of World War II, wouldn't it?
That assure you a bit, Ella? *Hugs to assure*
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Post by Cruella on Dec 15, 2012 12:13:46 GMT -5
A lot of news outlets, including CNN, are quoting the gunman's estranged brother on it. CNN had some "expert" on autism who said, in response to this, “something’s missing in the brain, a capacity for empathy, for social connection, which leaves the person suffering from this condition prone to serious depression and anxiety.”
Which is such a load of crap.
One, even if this were true, how would that lead to massacres?
Two, nothing is MISSING in my brain. My brain is routed differently, and that does disable me, but nothing is MISSING, and a capacity for empathy is certainly not missing.
Empathy is seen as synonymous with sympathy, which is seen as synonymous with humanity.
Empathy isn't synonymous with sympathy. Personally, I have too much empathy, as do a lot of autistic people. However, there are some autistic people who really can't feel empathy, but that doesn't make them bad people. Anyone can feel sympathy. Feeling sympathy is a choice. And there are people who feel combinations of too much and too little empathy, but really, that's everyone regardless of neurology.
"They lack empathy" is a dangerous thing to say, because of its interpretation. The message is that we're not really people.
Three, we develop depression and anxiety because we're treated like crap! And guess what, Piers Morgan and Ryan Lanza? Scapegoating people in a time of mourning definitely contributes to scapegoats being treated like crap!
Four, difficulties don't mean impossibilities AT ALL.
----------------------------------------
I'm going to go on a tangent here and talk about some of the work I've done.
One probably foolproof way to irritate me is to presume that autistic people are static beings who can't help anything. Once upon a time, I worked in a mainstream preschool classroom of a public school. During this time frame, said school established an autism classroom next door. The other teachers hated this. They complained about the autism classroom incessantly.
I couldn't take any more of the complaining and outed myself. Of course I got the "Well, SEVERE PEOPLE -- " Severe people, my posterior. If your argument is that everyone disabled is either too disabled to have a voice or too high-functioning to have a voice, you've just given disabled people no voice whatsoever. If your argument is only the latter and you're not disabled, then by default you've actually said I know what I'm talking about more than yourself.
I then tried to transfer to working in the autism classroom. WOW. THEY WERE SO DETERMINED TO KEEP ME OUT. WOW. They came up with every excuse possible. So I got myself all the paperwork needed and the principal's support, and I got in anyway.
The teachers in that classroom wanted to keep me out because they didn't want to actually work and they knew I'd change that. They were also rather sadistic and clueless. They put a stinkin' buzzer in the doorknob instead of using, oh gee, a childproof lock. The buzzer set off the kids oversensitive to sound, so these kids were having breakdowns several times a day, and the kids who weren't oversensitive to sound were distressed by the distress as well. The classroom was miserable because it was a bunch of crying and breakdowns and fighting every day. And the teachers thought there wasn't anything to be done about it! Even a cousin of mine, a cafeteria worker at the school, said the kids in the autism classroom would eat me alive. It was like she completely forgot who she was talking to.
Yes, I did save the classroom. It wasn't a fairytale ending, though. Lots of people at the school were angry with me for ... being decent. The parents of the kids were happy and saying their kids were progressing more than ever. That wasn't enough to prevent people from holding meetings about how to fire me. I was harassed daily. Too many wanted to see autism as, frankly, children to abuse and manipulate. My presence was a huge threat.
I wasn't fired. But I did suffer a heart attack in June 2011, after school was out for the summer. I was too ill to continue in a place where I was so unwanted, so I resigned. I'm sure it's back to the same old crap now.
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