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Post by babclayman on May 13, 2013 9:28:10 GMT -5
Oooh, A Coffee Shop! That be good! =3
Is it set to open as soon as you have the Baby then? Found a good place to open it too?
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Post by Cruella on May 13, 2013 19:29:21 GMT -5
I found a good place downtown, and my plan is to open it after my friend (my Anita)'s baby is born, actually. I'm due for early in the last week of July. She's due on the first day of October. We've both had babies before, but this is the first time we've been pregnant at the same time. It's also the last time I will be pregnant.
The PLAN was to open the coffee shop, but I got this message some time after midnight today, from my friend ...
I've omitted a lot of personal details for privacy. Here is the gist of it:
Yeah, but who doesn't disappoint me? I sure disappoint me. She and my husband do the same irritating thing where they say they'll disappoint me as an excuse to not be around me, or at least that's how I interpret it. (My husband's version is more melodramatic, where he says he's not worthy of me. But it's the same thing, whether it's expressed diplomatically or melodramatically.)
What disappoints me is that I don't think I'm good enough for anyone. Just like I was raised to think.
(As for working three jobs and being a mother, I'd have to make some choices, yes, but I'd rather work with my friend than work not with my friend.)
I certainly can't pull a Rapunzel stunt and trap my children. "YOU'LL never leave me! SOMEONE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" That wouldn't be good. It would mess them up, probably would make them as messed-up as I am.
My friend's son mentioned that everyone feels like I do, but that I feel it more intensely than most people do because of the way I was raised, and he's completely right. But I have no idea what to do about it.
Also, it feels like this happens when it comes to life goals:
Me: *performs the Twelve Labors of Hercules, goes through Dante’s Inferno, claws my way out and has life-changing realizations* Life: ERROR 404. THESE GOALS NOT POSSIBLE TO REACH. Me: *repeats* Life: ERROR 404. YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE.
Niece: *pushes Staples’ Easy Button* Life: *gives her what she had in mind, including identical or similar goals to some of my own* Niece: “La la la la la … “
Why, though? “Because no one likes me” is hard not to believe.
Me: *pushes Staples’ Easy Button* Button: “Are you kidding me? You expect pushing a button with the word Easy on it will do anything? You gotta work for your dreams!” Me: “But — but I have! All my life! And my niece — “ Button: “This isn’t about your niece! It’s about you!” Me: “But is what is the insurmountable difference between us that deems her worthy?” Button: “You’re old. If you’re still feeling like this when you’re old, you’re doomed. Everyone knows that. Smart people find new dreams when they’re young.” Me: “I’ve tried that, too. I’ve tried everything.” Button: “Yeah. You’re a fluke of nature.” Me: “I am not.” Button: “Prove it.” Me: “Tell me something I’ve not done, because I’ve done that, too.” Button: “Okay, fluke was the wrong word. You’re not an accident. Freak was the right word. You’re a freak of nature. You exist to make other people feel better about themselves.” Me: “You know, I can do that just fine without going through hell.” Button: “But you’re an unperson, remember? Plus, you’re too old for a happy ending. You’re no young maiden, and you can’t fake it, either. End of story.” Me: “I was young, too! Where were you when I was growing up, you stupid button???” Button: “I did appear to you. You ignored me and did what you wanted.” Me: “You contradict yourself. You said I have to work, not use you. Furthermore, you’re not fulfilling your purpose if you don’t give me what I want and instead give me random things that other people want for me. The Easy Button is supposed to be catered toward individuals.” Button: “Do you think everyone you wanted is good?” Me: “I don’t think every single thing anybody wanted or wants is good, but I can’t see anything wrong with a lot of what I’ve spent my life chasing. A lot of what I want would make me healthier.” Button: “Everything you want is bad for you. Not for other people who want the same things, but for you.” Me: “I sincerely doubt it.” Button: “That’s because you’re stupid.” Me: “So we’re at a standstill.” Button: “See you, ya hag!” *Button vanishes*
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Post by Cruella on Jun 23, 2013 9:56:09 GMT -5
So .. everything happened. EV ER Y THING. Minus the shop. That's not happened yet.
My baby was born on the last day of May and came home on Friday.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2013 11:09:24 GMT -5
Congrats Ella.
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Post by babclayman on Jun 23, 2013 11:29:00 GMT -5
CONGRATULATIONS, ELLA! =3 I think I have a "101 Dalmatians" Card that suits this situation. I'll see if I can find it! ;3
The Baby nice and healthy? What is their name? ^-^ How's the family taking to it too?
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Post by RaceFanX on Jun 23, 2013 19:03:03 GMT -5
Congratulations, I'm glad to hear both you and the baby are alright. Here's wishing the best in this great moment of joy.
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Post by Cruella on Jun 27, 2013 22:15:46 GMT -5
Thank you!
The baby is named Lilith Grace!
Everything is turning around for the better. I'm back to working after being sick since 2011, I'm back to living where I have people who know me, I'm going to have four businesses by the end of the year, my oldest daughter is going to work for me in the autumn, my friend .. I will emotionally support whatever she chooses and we're still friends, I have a good psychiatrist and therapist, and I'm just very optimistic for the rest of my life. Hoping this optimism lasts.
My niece is living with me and being an utter brat half the time, but whatever.
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