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Post by Cruella on Dec 26, 2012 21:27:18 GMT -5
Y'all, I'm really really really really depressed. I haven't even seen my friends, my relatives have been so awful and insulting. My sister is BROKE. She didn't say this until TODAY. She basically tricked me into staying with her to shoo me out of town before I can find my own place, and she keeps inviting relatives who hate me to the house, in addition to her and her daughter causing things.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 30, 2012 11:09:06 GMT -5
(I copy and paste these longer posts from my blog. Tiffany is basically the older Amber to my niece's older Ivy. I haven't seen Tiffany since she was a child, but she and my niece are actually dating now. I have spoken to Tiffany on FaceBook. She sounds like an eternal optimist.)
We went to Tiffany’s church and Tiffany was out volunteering for the day, so I didn’t see her. The pastor was out sick, so I didn’t see him, either. There was a substitute pastor who talked about the show Blue Bloods, which sounds boring to me, and Hannah and Samuel in the Bible, which is a depressing story to me, and we got out ten minutes early.
Savannah didn’t want to hold hands with me and squeezed my hand so hard I was making faces. Why do I keep ending up beside her of all people when someone wants everyone to hold hands?
Sav’s description of this church’s regular activity is “the choir sings for fifteen minutes, and everyone else who sings is just lip synching” - I was really singing, hur hur hur - “and then Old Man Heart Attack gets up and yells the longest run-on sentences ever, catches his breath every five minutes, and then he yells them again.” He’s a fire and brimstone preacher. He didn’t have a heart attack. She continued: “I asked Tiffany if he was going to have a heart attack. She said, ‘He does this every week.’ But I like it because even though I can’t wear pants to this church, I went on a hayride and ate hot dogs there one night.”
That church has children’s areas so kids from birth to elementary school don’t have to listen to Old Man Heart Attack, so good on them for that, at least. ‘Course, their parents still hear him.
I’ve had a heart attack. I have no issue with calling this person I’ve never seen Old Man Heart Attack, although my niece later told me he’s in his fifties or early sixties. Not exactly old.
Also, today is my wedding anniversary!
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Post by Cruella on Dec 30, 2012 18:39:54 GMT -5
[Niece is eating my food that she knows is mine] Me: "Stop that. Go eat something I can't." [no response] Me: "At least don't eat all of it -- or most of it! I haven't had any!" Niece: "I ate almost most of it." Me: "No." [attempts to take] [my hands are pinned down] Niece: "Your husband was wrong. Buttons are fun to push. They're shiny and beckoning, and there are so many of them, especially on you!" [Sis eats more of my food while I try to break Niece's grip over my hands] -------- Niece: "You're an awkward white person in an infomercial." Me: "I saw that." (This is a Tumblr reference. We both have Tumblr accounts.) Sis: "Eww, infomercial people don't try! Oh hey, that is like you! What they should really say is, 'Look at this klutz... drop this pan. You don't want to deal with that, do you? Then kick them out of your house! It's not the pan's fault!'" -------- They're a terrible tag team! Terribly effective!
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Post by Cruella on Dec 30, 2012 20:38:52 GMT -5
I made a bet with my niece that she can't be nice to me from December 31st through my birthday, through my twin daughters' born three days after my birthday's birthday for bonus points.
She's going to lose.
She is literally stressing out over how to be genuinely nice to me.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 31, 2012 0:34:25 GMT -5
I thought this little diva attitude one of my daughters acquired would be of use here, but it's more like
“Layla uses THREE YEAR OLD TALKING LIKE A BOSSY ADULT! It’s not very effective.”
I’ve never even played Pokemon, but I’m purty sure I described that exactly right. She’s too young to understand when to use her attitude and how to apply it in ways that make sense.
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Post by Cruella on Dec 31, 2012 19:07:23 GMT -5
I. Sav LOST THE BET ALREADY. She lost it THIS MORNING, accusing me of using her shower supplies and telling me, over and over, that I smell disgusting. We will start this bet up again on New Year's Day. What’s driving me bananas is now I feel like I am smelly, so I’m drowning myself in too many scents and it’s never enough because “AAH, PUT ON DEODORANT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE” won’t stop. I know I’m a sucker. Pretty sure knowing is only 0.1% of the battle for me. II. The older girls have been discussing colleges. Savannah wants to go to college with Tiffany. Darlene, my own daughter in between their ages (which are 17 and three quarters, just turned 18 last month, and 18 and a half), wants to stay with me. I really do hope she wants to, as opposed to feeling like she needs to. Among other colleges, there was a Christian college Savannah was looking at that she doesn’t want to go to, but her born-again mother wants her to go to it. But dude… I remember that college. I was seventeen myself when I visited there. There was a friendly old professor who pains me to think about because I recall him wishing I would take his classes. I never did, and he must have died a long time ago, which is why he pains me to think about. The girls there DID have a personality in my generation. They laughed and gossiped like any girls. They said, “This here that says Recreational Movement? That’s dancing. The founders are offended by dancing, so we’re waiting for them to die out so we can call our dance class Dancing. It sounds mean, but it’s true.” Savannah says the current generation doesn’t say anything remotely like that, and she didn’t see any classes that remotely looked like dancing, let alone were called dancing by name. What I remember was regular classes and some Christian classes, and it’s the other way around now. I had really wanted to go. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t because some people in charge said they talked to the girls I had spent two days with, and those girls said they found me “suspicious” and “neurotic” and they “didn’t know if I had had a good time”. So I was told I had to be an inpatient and then an outpatient at some clinic to be admitted to the school. I said no. The school called for me and sent me mail for years. Someone eventually said she “cancelled those silly psychiatric requirements”, but by then it was too late and I no longer had any interest in the school or Christianity. I feel like I’ve given the girls a legacy of failure. Darlene doesn’t even want to go anywhere for college because she plans to take care of me for the time being. I didn’t ask for that. I don’t want to be her ball and chain. Tiffany and Savannah plan on going to the place where my ex fiance went to school before he met me, which is something painful even if not much of something painful. Savannah keeps looking at places that bring back memories of the past, and Darlene has looked at some of these places, too, to a lesser extent. Just act suspicious and neurotic, Sav. You won’t have to go to the Christian school if they think you’re like me. HEH. To this day, I have no idea what I did that was suspicious and neurotic.
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Post by Cruella on Jan 10, 2013 17:46:08 GMT -5
Haven't posted here in a while.
I've (re)met Tiffany. She is great. I want to say she's a great kid, but she's technically an adult (b. February 1994). She's as friendly and nice as she seemed online. She stays over with us a lot of the time, and I wish she'd stay more. Savannah is consistently nicer to me when Tiffany is around. Tiffy obviously didn't like rude things Savvy said about me in front of her, and my niece actually listens to her own girlfriend. Hallelujah.
All people do around here these days is go to church and church revivals, it seems. It's everyone, family and friends and everyone. I don't quite know what I think of that. At least there are a million different churches everyone seems to go to, so there's variety.
I had an ultrasound today and my pregnancy is going perfectly! There's a high chance I'm having another girl, like the baking soda test predicted. I'm showing now, and showing more than I thought I'd be at this point. My sister who I'm living with for now still hasn't caught on.
“Ha, of course you’re bloated. You gave yourself a late Christmas beer belly! Didn’t know you had it in you, ha!”
SAVE THIS PERSON AMEN
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Post by Cruella on Jan 15, 2013 21:47:13 GMT -5
Oh. I'm having second thoughts about the name Lilith. I forgot about knowing a Lilith who isn't nice to me until she spoke to me again yesterday. I certainly don't want to give her the impression that I named a child after her. (Then again, that might be a truce.)
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Post by Cruella on Jan 24, 2013 5:57:08 GMT -5
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Post by Cruella on Jan 27, 2013 3:09:45 GMT -5
A friend drew a picture of my brain. You might say I have ... a beautiful mind.
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Post by Cruella on Apr 13, 2013 11:18:02 GMT -5
Things are definitely looking up since I last wrote in here. Money is no longer a concern, health is improving and relationships are not as ridiculous as they were in the winter when there were more stress factors, and things are just really looking up. I'm working two jobs, one from home. My husband is a stay-at-home dad and loves this. My adult niece came to her inheritance and gave me enough of a portion that I don't have financial stresses anymore. (It is a big inheritance. She really is still the Ivy to my Cruella. I had no idea what to expect come her last birthday, which was when she came to her inheritance and thankfully the outcome was good.)
In silly and recent news, today my sister yet again revealed that she pays absolutely no attention to people. My niece's girlfriend lives with her. My sister doesn't realize her daughter and friend are actually girlfriends. Apparently, she also didn't know the other girl's middle name (Amber, actually, and everyone else knew it because she looks like an Amber and is the Amber to my niece's Ivy), or last name, or age, or birth month even though Sis was there for this person's last birthday, or interests, or really anything about her beyond her first name.
Personally, if I were the girl my sister didn't know anything about until today, I'd feel hurt. This girl is a lot more nice than most people are and less apt to getting hurt than I am.
I think my sister is kind of very ridiculous to let people live with her without knowing anything about them beyond "this is someone relatives know or whatever". I think my sister has her head in the clouds to be so unobservant that she'd just ignore a person this way, but then again, that is how my sister has always been and a big part of why I practically raised Sis' kids. Goodness, I was responsible for the birthday parties of my sisters' kids, because Sis herself would always forget. She took after our parents in that type of way, unfortunately.
Sis is homophobic, but seeing how the girls are young adults with their own money, I don't know what Sis can do besides scream when she does figure out they're together. And she probably will have to be told long after they get their own place, because she's just that unobservant. Sis didn't even notice my pregnancy until I told her I was pregnant, long after I was showing. She said, "You're getting FAT!" a lot instead and I let that go on for longer than I should have because it was amusing.
You could probably ride elephants down the street while my sister watched outside, and if you told her elephants went down the street, she'd say, "WHAT? ELEPHANTS? I DIDN'T NOTICE!"
I'm 25 weeks and 2 days along, if you're wondering!
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 2:59:42 GMT -5
So it's Mother's Day in my country ... This is the most dramatic holiday of the year in my family, and for something to be the most dramatic holiday, well, that's saying something.
I hope it goes well. I hope my sister doesn't cause drama like she did last year. She gives her children to her siblings to raise and wonders why they're more attached to her siblings than herself, and Mother's Day is the day she throws pity parties about it. This year she told her kids they could spend the day with me or her. Talk about an obvious trap. She'll try to make everyone miserable no matter what the outcome.
Then there are also my own mommy issues. I feel guilty to have good relationships with my son and daughters and nephews, and really a decent relationship with my niece underneath it all. Why guilty? Because my mother (and my own aunt) had very bad relationships with their children. How dare my kids love me when I couldn't please my own mother? How unfair.
Logically, I know that's plenty fair. My mother just wasn't a good mother. I try to be a good mother. I really love my kids and I show it. Emotionally, it still seems unfair. My mother died in 2008. In her final years, she did respect me or so she claimed, but I didn't trust her enough to become friends with her unless time proved her trustworthy, and she lost a lot of her memory and died too soon for us to build a true mother-daughter relationship. So I'm motherless, now physically as well as emotionally, and I feel guilty for that, like I didn't try hard enough.
I don't feel this way on Father's Day. My father was easier to emotionally detach from. He divorced my mother and started a second family with a woman close to my own age. He tried to keep me from his second family until my half-siblings grew up, and this didn't fully work, so he blames me for everything he doesn't like about them. My half-siblings usually act like spoiled brats and my father thinks everything I do is wrong, which hurts but, since he exited my life for as long as he did, I find him easier to ignore than my mother was.
Anyway, I don't feel conflicted on Father's Day because I have my husband to celebrate on Father's Day. He's a good father and he's someone to give my love to. I do love myself, but giving myself love on Mother's Day feels ... weird. My children give me love and I have no mother to pass this love on to! I do love my children, of course, and my pets. I am snuggly motherly feelings in human form.
But
my husband and children have a good day planned for me. I'm going to be spoiled all day. That's nice. I hope I don't feel guilty about it. I'm the only mother in my bloodline I know of, so far, to have a good relationship with her children ... !
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Post by babclayman on May 12, 2013 14:46:31 GMT -5
DANG! It’s Mother’s Day! Your Sister shouldn’t turn it into a Popularity Contest!
I am sure you’re a good Mother though, your Sister’s Children think you’re a Great Aunt, so that can mean you’re a good Mother too. ;3 Besides, you got another child on the way too! =3
I Hope Mothers Day is good for you. ;3
How’s the Pregnancy, may I ask?
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 23:34:56 GMT -5
I had a medical emergency brought by the pregnancy, but it's been taken care of and the baby was not affected by it. I'll copy and paste from my blog how Mother's Day went for me: Also, I've gotten a lot of snuggles from people and pets today. Very good Mother's Day.
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Post by Cruella on May 12, 2013 23:39:48 GMT -5
On another note, I'll be starting up a coffee shop around October or November!
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