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Post by Trey_Vore on Jul 23, 2016 13:00:07 GMT -5
--THINGS GOT CRAZY SO FAST!!, AniMat's review of the 2012 animated disaster Foodfight!
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Post by thunderbolt2013 on Jul 24, 2016 9:13:01 GMT -5
[We've been following Benny down the hallway and watch as he comes upon Eric berating and standing over Mr. Luce] Eric: Yeah, you did, and I should shoot you right now for it, you know I should. But I think I just might let you live, maybe, because I want you to know this... and the next kids that come up to you with their problems... that they're being picked on, you should listen to them... no matter what twisted sh*t they say. Eric: [Turns and shoots Benny through the heart] ****! Anyway, Mr. Luce, whatever. You know there's other like us out there, too. And they will kill you if you **** with them like you did me and Jared. Get out of here, before I change my mind. Go! Eric: [Mr. Luce gets up and runs for his life. Eric changes his mind and shoots him down] ****!
[last lines] Nathan: You're ****in' sick. Don't do this. Alex: Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
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Post by Trey_Vore on Oct 16, 2016 2:40:29 GMT -5
"Now go back to the fork and take this turn on the left side with (Chad walks off the platform and into the sewage. Splash) Wait what the f*ck?? How did I die? All the other turns I took automatically by pressing left or right but here in this particular spot they want you to push down?? It could have just stopped you at the edge and prevent you from accidently falling into the sewage but no an inconsistency in the controls costs you a life, what a load of bullsh*t!" --A crappy game's most appropriate death, Aqualung Game Reviews's Review/Walkthrough of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on NES
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Post by Trey_Vore on Nov 5, 2016 20:28:47 GMT -5
Belchic already did Aqualung's commentary on TaleSpin for the NES, so I have another set from another review on another TaleSpin game:
"Darkwing the show on the other hand was one of my favorites and TaleSpin before it was also a must-watch as a kid. So, does this fare better as a game? Well... yeeh..." --Not inspiring confidence, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"You can also find points, and look they are literally points, as well as invincibility shields, extra lives and more." --I wonder how that would translate to real life, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"After collecting the initial pieces, Louie says that the treasure is "up" so "up" you go." --Pretty vague. Help me out here, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"I hate to make this comparison too often, because TaleSpin and Darkwing Duck are two different kinds of games. But the problems with both are very similar. The lousy controls, mixed with just stupid things that happen." --Humor me, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"For example, in the ice caverns, you can't touch the icicles, I get that, but you can't touch the ceiling either?? Why? When the next stage begins, the game doesn't have the courtesy to replenish your life! Why? You also have barely any recovery time so you take constant damage over and over and over. What? I mean... why?" --The rule of three works, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"In fact, I feel it is a little better than Darkwing Duck although some would say it's the other way around. To me, Darkwing has less variety, less stages, less music and it came out later so it should have known better. But I can't recommend either of them because Disney on the TurboGrafx just disappoints." --No Disney magic for the TurboGrafx-16, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
"I do have some nice memories playing TaleSpin as a kid but it doesn't change the fact that it is a below-average game. There are some good aspects but the negatives outweigh the positives. (TaleSpin is awarded two and a half Turbo Chips out of 5) I know TaleSpin on the NES was no masterpiece, but I have to say, Capcom... these Disney games on the TurboGrafx... we really could've used ya!" --Best TaleSpin game, but that's not saying much, spida1a's review of TaleSpin on TurboGrafx-16
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Post by Belchic on Nov 6, 2016 20:58:15 GMT -5
From Bobsheaux's review of The Land Before Time IV:
Spike: Duh...duh...DUCKY!!! Bob: What? You mean after all this time, we finally hear Spike talk, and it's all because he's afraid for the life of his big sister, and you made him sound like Gilbert Gottfried??? *imitates Gilbert Gottfried* Oh my God! My big sister is going to die!
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Post by Trey_Vore on Nov 30, 2016 17:10:49 GMT -5
(At the Chum Bucket) Oh Santa, Santa, Santa Has his eye on me He sees everything I've done Every plot, plan and scheme It's just a bit of fun Santa has his eye on me Every rotten deed Is written in his scroll So every Christmas morning I GET A STOCKING FULL OF COAL!! --I suppose being nice is for suckers, It's a SpongeBob Christmas!
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Post by Trey_Vore on Mar 10, 2017 9:45:17 GMT -5
(Brian is on the couch on the phone) Brian: Yes is it possible to get Showtime for free for the next like two hours to see if I like it? Stewie: Brian!! *Stewie comes down literally dragging his head down the stairs* What is this? What's happening to me?? Brian: Oh my God Stewie! It's gotta be from wearing that d**n brace all the time! Your neck must have atrophied so much it can no longer support your head! Stewie: You've got to take me to the hospital! Brian: Absolutely. Let me just watch Jennifer's Body and we'll go right there. Stewie: Brian there's no nudity in that movie take me to the hospital! Brian: What so it's rated R for curses?? God, this country. --Dear MPAA, quit trying to be cute!, Family Guy
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Post by Belchic on Mar 26, 2017 12:41:24 GMT -5
Mario: You know what they say: "All toasters toast toast!" Charriii5: NO THEY DO NOT! THEY TOAST BREAD, DUMB***! ALSO, WHO SAYS THAT? THAT'S NOT A SAYING! THAT'S AN ACTUAL FACT! THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "Oh, you know what they say: "Fire burns." OF COURSE FIRE ******* BURNS! AND DO YOU JUST CARRY THAT BREAD WITH YOU? IT HAS YOUR LITERAL ENEMY ON IT! WHY WOULD YOU BUY HIS PRODUCT?
-from Charriii5's CinemaSins on "Hotel Mario"
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Post by Trey_Vore on Feb 13, 2018 7:56:31 GMT -5
(Master Frown has fallen from Unikitty’s castle and lost his body) Unikitty: (sing-songy) Oh, It’s a beautiful da-a-ay! To make sure everyone has a beautiful da-a-ay! The sun is out, and the flowers are too, there’s a smile for me and a smile for (seeing Master Frown’s head in the flower bed with his mouth stuffed with flowers) Ah! Master Frown! What are you doing here, and where is your body?! Master Frown: My wha…? (sees he’s now just a head) Ahh! Oh my body! (they see it get eaten by a bird) It’s gone! It’s gone!! Unikitty: (picks up his head) Oh you poor thing! Without a body you can’t do anything! --Pretty good at giving head though, “Stuck Together”, Unikitty!
Master Frown: What am I going to do? I’m going to be late! Unikitty: For what? Master Frown: The great gathering ceremony of the almighty Doom Lords! Unikitty: Ooh, like a meeting? Master Frown: Whatever… --Going to say an interview, but that works, “Stuck Together”, Unikitty!
Master Frown: I can’t believe I’m saying this… Unikitty I need your help. You have to take me to Frown Town! Unikitty: I can’t! I have to do my nice princess duties for the day! Master Frown: You have to! I can’t get there on my own, please!! Unikitty: (thinks…) Fine, I’ll take you. Master Frown: Great! Unikitty: If you help me with my nice princess duties! Master Frown: What?! No! I’m Master Frown! I don’t do nice things, I do *NOT* nice things! Unikitty: You have to be nice, or I’m not going to take you, okay? Master Frown: (after some agonizing) …Fine! Unikitty: Yay! --A fate worse than death, “Stuck Together”, Unikitty!
(Unikitty detaches her tail and throws it away. She then picks up Master Frown’s head) Master Frown: What are you—WHHOOOAAA!! Unikitty: I’m just going to stuck you right here for safekeeping. (Master Frown’s head lands on her butt) Let’s go! --Mind if I call you Master Brown?, “Stuck Together”, Unikitty!
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Post by Trey_Vore on Mar 24, 2018 10:56:48 GMT -5
(Unikitty, Dr. Fox and Puppycorn manage to escape Richard's out-of-control happiness) Unikitty: Oh no. Richard's happiness is destroying him and it's all my fault! *notices negative sparkle matter coming from her* Wait! What if we use some negative sparkle matter to make an unhappy serum? Maybe he'll go back to normal! Dr. Fox: Hmm, you might be on to something. *pulls up a blackboard* The happy sparkle matter made him *TOO* happy. So if we use unhappy feelings that should cancel out the effects! Great idea Unikitty! Unikitty: Ya-hay! *shoots positive sparkle matter* Dr. Fox: No! We need *negative* sparkle matter! Unikitty: (turns blue) I'm sorry!! *shoots negative sparkle matter* --Like a switch, "Sparkle Matter Matters", Unikitty!
Dr. Fox: Hmm, we still need more... Here Unikitty, take a look at this! (pushes a button to make a TV screen rise up. We see a sad kid sitting by himself) This kid is eating all alone! Unikitty: (slowly turning blue) Oh no! That's really sad! Where are all his friends? Dr. Fox: They didn't show up to his birthday party. Unikitty: Oh no! It's his birthday, and no one's there!? Dr. Fox: And the kid is actually... (in sync with the reveal) Puppycorn! Unikitty: Little bro!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *turns into a big wave of ocular gushers* --Did someone call for a flash flood?, "Sparkle Matter Matters", Unikitty!
(Puppycorn approaches) Puppycorn: It's okay sis! Don't be sad! Dr. Fox: No! *Do* be sad! We're almost there! Puppycorn: How 'bout a hug? (Puppycorn trips over a piece of negative sparkle matter and jabs Unikitty in the eye. Her sadness disappears into a shut-up-and-die rage) --At that point, Puppycorn knew he dun f*cked up, "Sparkle Matter Matters", Unikitty!
(the sad sparkle matter is soon replaced with angry sparkle matter) Dr. Fox: Perfect! We got it! *spins around to work, then turns back* Anti-happy serum complete! Unikitty and Puppycorn: (Puppycorn still jabbed in Unikitty's eye): Yay! --Her friends all know that Any time soon, Their little Unikitty Goes KABOOM!, "Sparkle Matter Matters", Unikitty!
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Post by Trey_Vore on Sept 22, 2018 3:30:53 GMT -5
(Peter drives home and starts undressing) Peter: Lois, I tossed a penny in a shot glass so get your pants off and put a towel on the kitchen table! *goes inside* Lois: Peter, I’m in the middle of book club! *slams door* Peter: Forget book club, we’re doing it. Anyone who doesn’t want to see my big white flailin’ butt get the hell out! --Spoken like an alpha male, “Follow the Money”, Family Guy
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Post by Trey_Vore on Nov 22, 2018 20:50:04 GMT -5
"I can't help but feel like this is a massive disappointment. We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story had so much potential with a great opening that sets everything up, some nice animation and characters that could have been interesting. However, it ultimately decided to throw that all away to fill the rest of the movie with very little story and make it about a couple of uninteresting and annoying kids with a series of pointless and rushed scenes just so only have it be a little bit over an hour. It could have been something that would be both creative and timeless but it opens up as just a poorly crafted product of its time. If you really need a fix of hand-drawn animated dinosaurs that's NOT The Land Before Time, then I guess this would be for you, but honestly I don't see the need of watching it." --Don Bluth does not approve, AniMat's review of We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
"I mean, to paraphrase Roger Ebert, you'd get more substance by playing the game based on the movie than the movie itself! Overall it just ended up like it's Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon: it starts out pretty grand and awesome, but then it suddenly bursts its head and then have it dragging for the rest of the show!" --Quick! Get rid of that thing before Trojan thinks we owe them a cut!, AniMat's review of We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story
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Post by Trey_Vore on Dec 18, 2018 9:32:18 GMT -5
Goofy: Tonight... you will be visited by three spirits. Listen to them. Do as they say. Or your chains will be heavier than mine! Farewell, Ebenezer! (notices he's about to step on Scrooge's cane) Oop! *chuckles* (he steps over it and fades through the door) Faaaaaaareweeeeeeeell! Scrooge: Marley--!! Watch out for that first... (Goofy falls down the stairs, complete with his Goofy Holler) Scrooge: ...step. *crash* --Good thing you're already dead, Mickey's Christmas Carol
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Post by Trey_Vore on Apr 14, 2019 8:21:10 GMT -5
(When Richard has been worked to the point his back starts to ache) Unikitty: Rick! Puppycorn: Oh, no. Unikitty: Are you okay? Dr. Fox: Give me room, I'm a doctor. *making a memo* Sort of. --Cruella's memo gag lives on!, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
Dr. Fox: What's the matter Rick? Did you bump your buds? Richard: Oh, actually, it's my... *turns around to reveal a crack* All: *gasp* Dr. Fox: You've broken your back! Hawkodile: A back crack? Puppycorn: A snack crack! Unikitty: A Rick break? Puppycorn: A butt crack? --Looks like Richard finally got an ass, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
Richard: No, it's nothing. I can still work. (tries to move but it just adds to the pain) Uniktty: (hugging him) Hush, hush hush hush. Be still, my sweet little Richard. You've worked too hard. Dr. Fox: She's right, I'm prescribing plenty of bed rest, and this super-safe, untested healing ointment! (Close up reveals "Possible side effects") --Warning: May cause birth defects!, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
Richard: But if I'm not taking care of the castle, what will I do? Unikitty: You've done enough, Rick. Let us help you for a change. We can clean the kitchen! Richard: But Princess, you've never done it before. You'd probably just end up making more of a mess. I'll just clean it when my back feels better. Unikitty: Nonsense, I think we can handle this one little chore. I promise you Rick, we will clean this kitchen the right way--the Rick way! Now you go get some rest. (starts pushing Richard to his room) *mwa* (Richard is now in bed) Unikitty: You enjoy your time off. We'll take care of everything! *CRASH!!* Oops. ...Feel better! --That better not be what I thought it was, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
Unikitty: Oh come on guys, you just gotta get into the Richard spirit. *detaches head* Like this. *impressioning* "Oh, I'm Richard. I love chores. Work, work, work." *goes back to her body* See, easy! Puppycorn: Oh! I gotcha sis! Like this? (rubbing his face in paint) I'm Rick! I'm Rick! --Least he's using his head, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
(Back in Richard's room) Richard: Okay, relax. *Don't* do chores. *deep breathes, then puts on a record* Woman on recording: Chapter one, the history of the paperclip. There's no more thrilling story than the paperclip... --A pencil-pusher's new age therapy, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
*continues* Woman on recording: The paperclip rebellion of the early... *thuds, Unikitty screams* Richard: Hmm... maybe should check on them. (Unikitty breaks in through the wall) Unikitty: No no no, everything is fine. You stay in bed, doctor's orders! (covers the hole with a picture, and small pieces of rubble start to fall from the ceiling) Woman on recording: General Meredith von Paper-Clippington and her guerrilla forces pushed farther and farther into... (a rock falls on the record) Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* (Richard tries to get up, but injures himself) Richard: Ow! My back! Woman on recording: Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* --When therapy becomes an endurance test, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty! (the record continues to skip) Woman on recording: Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* Farther and farther... *skips* (Richard picks up a rock and throws it at the record) Farther and fart... *dink* Fart... fart... fart... fart... fart... fart... --Great, the kitchen's a pigsty and now my room's becoming a fire hazard!, "Kitchen Chaos", UniKitty!
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Post by Flowgli on Jun 24, 2019 21:25:20 GMT -5
“I’ve accepted that nothing can ever recreate the original. It’s an anomaly of all the right things in all the right places at all the right time. It’s childish, but adult. Stupid, but intelligent. By all definitions, it shouldn’t have worked, and yet it worked perfectly. It really is lightning that will never strike again. Hell, even the original people tried to recreate it, and it didn’t work. It got a few laughs, but everybody acknowledges it couldn’t capture the magic of the first. The closest we got is the game, and even then, that had to repeat a lot of stuff. And let’s face it, it wouldn’t have worked as well if we saw them at their real age. I didn’t want to see Ghostbusters III. For me, it’s asking for another Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull or Blues Brothers 2000. If we’re gonna get something new that’s Ghostbusters, I do want it to be different. And the different stuff is when I think it shines the most. You know those shows, movies, and comics where there’s like a million parallel universes? This just feels like one of those parallel universes. Not a replacement; just a different version. The Dark Knight films don’t erase out the original Batman. The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes films don’t destroy the style and genius of the original. Does it all work? Hell no. Do I hate that every funny joke is followed by an unfunny joke? Definitely. If you’re gonna say, though, that this movie stole your childhood, you never had a childhood worth stealing. Yeah, must’ve been a lot of great things in that life for a movie to take it away from you. But it’s not hard to see somebody hating this film. There are a lot of unfunny scenes and awkward moments, and yeah, it doesn’t really need to exist. But I can also see how someone can enjoy it. The performers are great, there are really funny jokes, and it can be really creative. For me, I like it the most when it’s doing its own thing and it doesn’t need to call back to the original. But not everybody’s gonna see it that way, and that’s fine. Ghostbusters is gonna be something unique and different to everybody, because everybody has their own unique experience to it. So, if you wanna go see it, go see it. If you don’t wanna go see it, don’t go see it. As long as your decision is yours, and you’re not bullied by anybody into doing something you don’t wanna do or think what you don’t wanna think.” —Doug Walker as the Nostalgia Critic, sharing his final thoughts on the 2016 remake of Ghostbusters
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